The Marvel Universe Live! tour is a full-on assault. And that's before the traveling arena show—which kicked off last month in Tampa—even begins. Upon arrival, visitors are met by an army of merchandise-selling soldiers so vast in number and boisterous in spirit they appear to have been trained by HYDRA itself. They're on hand to make sure all children are properly indoctrinated into the Marvel franchise and all parents are properly liberated of their hard-earned cash. You name it, they sell it: flashing Spidey webslingers ($25), flashing lanyards ($15), flashing water bottles ($12), flashing Lectro-Links ($25)—the sensory overload is enough to induce a seizure. (Or, in my case, when I caught the show on Aug. 2, a seriously awful migraine.)